About Total Life Recovery
- Serving: 20 Years
- Charged: Drug Trafficking
- Joined TLR: 2010
- Goals: To someday travel the world and help take care of the elderly.
Hi I'm Kimberly and a mother of three beautiful girls. I didn't know it at the time, but I grew up in a very dysfunctional home where drugs, gambling and abuse was the norm.
My older sister and I were physically abused by our dad. Most of the time, I had no idea why I was getting beaten. I don't even remember ever having a normal conversation with my dad or even asking him questions because I was too scared. It was like we weren't allowed to have any other emotion but fear. I wouldn't dare show any weakness or my dad would beat it out of me. The most traumatizing thing I ever witnessed was watching my mom get beat down countless times. We'd run away a lot, sleep in the car, at strange places or the shelter for abused women and children. After years of abuse, my dad was finally put behind bars. We were so relieved.
My mom was left to raise four girls by herself. Though we had our struggles, we pulled through to make ends meet. I would cringe whenever we had to visit my dad in prison because he'd tell us how sorry he was and how much he loved us. I didn't know how he did it, but today he is a changed man, husband and father and has been clean and sober for 20 years.
As I got older, I struggled with something I didn't understand. I felt this emptiness deep within me and I would often become depressed. I found out I was a twin but my brother died of liver disease when he was only two years old. I realized then that a part of me died when he died. I started smoking weed and was hooked by the time I was 12. Being high helped me forget about my struggles and made me feel untouchable, beautiful and brave. At 14, I took my first hit of ice and it numbed me to the core. If I wasn't high, one ice, I was high on weed. I started chasing money and looking for love for all the wrong reasons. Nothing could satisfy me. I became homicidal, suicidal and depressed. I gave my kids to my mom and went on a mission of self-destruction. I hit rock bottom, calling out to God and pleading for help. After two years of fighting, I finally gave in and pled guilty to my charges.
Today, I am thankful for the help of my TLR sisters, Chaplain Bonnie and Chaplain Tammy and the many volunteers that donate their time to help. I'm learning to grow and understand myself and my self-worth. All that emptiness that I once had is now filled with appreciation, truth, trust, hope, joy, freedom and most of all, God's love.